This'll be a busy weekend
Jun. 10th, 2010 08:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
firefly124Deipnon Saturday and Noumenia and Panaphobeia (Feast of Fear) on Sunday. Apparently we're not doing the dream incubation like last time, but I have a feeling I'm still going to regret not taking the night before off. I'd planned to, I just forgot it was coming up so quickly, and it's now too late to pull it off. I asked the hieros why we're doing it so early this year, and he said, "We're not. We did it late last year."
Ah. I wonder what would be different if we'd done it in June rather than August. Would the result still have been TFTWSD? Just reread my episode commentary from July 19th and some entries from early August. Gods what a shift from the emotionally dulled and almost clinically distant first reaction to where I ended up. Also, what a shift from, "WTF am I dreaming about this stuff for when I'm supposed to be confronting my fears?" to accepting the fact that apparently what I have to do is write what is now over 162K of "therapy" that still shows no sign of being killed (or contained), loaded with symbolism that probably wouldn't make a lick of sense to anyone else. Well, some of it's glaringly obvious, but some really, really isn't. I still keep having moments of "Why the hell am I writing this? It doesn't make sense for the story." And then the symbolism unfolds, and then I figure out where and how it fits. In other words, the bizarro* Work shows no sign of being done, though a part of me is hopeful to find at least some emotional closure. With Panaphobeia. Right. I really am certifiable.
The work we're doing this year is creating masks that represent our fears to offer. Went to the craft shop for supplies today. I started off with an incredibly complex idea that has since simplified way down. I also started off thinking I was going to do a plaster cast of my own face, which would probably be more meaningful and definitely have more magical resonance, but practicality intervened, and I bought a blank mask form instead.
So, yeah, interesting weekend ahead.
*Seriously, writing fanfiction as Work? ::boggles:: Every time I think I've maxed out the weird, I find a way to add more. At least I still realize it's not precisely normal. If that changes, I'll really be in trouble.
Ah. I wonder what would be different if we'd done it in June rather than August. Would the result still have been TFTWSD? Just reread my episode commentary from July 19th and some entries from early August. Gods what a shift from the emotionally dulled and almost clinically distant first reaction to where I ended up. Also, what a shift from, "WTF am I dreaming about this stuff for when I'm supposed to be confronting my fears?" to accepting the fact that apparently what I have to do is write what is now over 162K of "therapy" that still shows no sign of being killed (or contained), loaded with symbolism that probably wouldn't make a lick of sense to anyone else. Well, some of it's glaringly obvious, but some really, really isn't. I still keep having moments of "Why the hell am I writing this? It doesn't make sense for the story." And then the symbolism unfolds, and then I figure out where and how it fits. In other words, the bizarro* Work shows no sign of being done, though a part of me is hopeful to find at least some emotional closure. With Panaphobeia. Right. I really am certifiable.
The work we're doing this year is creating masks that represent our fears to offer. Went to the craft shop for supplies today. I started off with an incredibly complex idea that has since simplified way down. I also started off thinking I was going to do a plaster cast of my own face, which would probably be more meaningful and definitely have more magical resonance, but practicality intervened, and I bought a blank mask form instead.
So, yeah, interesting weekend ahead.
*Seriously, writing fanfiction as Work? ::boggles:: Every time I think I've maxed out the weird, I find a way to add more. At least I still realize it's not precisely normal. If that changes, I'll really be in trouble.
